Wednesday, June 19, 2013

What I Do and Don't Blog About

IBlogging is a funny thing, it is for me anyway.  Maybe because I don't really have a solid theme other than "us," which is this very vast and varied thing.  You know, when I started this blog; I started it for me and for us.  We had just moved to the mountaintop and life was pretty hectic.  I figured that we were headed in this frantic direction of intense and rapid change, and that it would be easy to believe in the moment that it was all very memorable, but that in very short periods of time much would be forgotten....just because so much was happening at once.  It was an exciting time and I didn't want it to get lost in a sea of so much newness.

I like to write.  I always have.  It soothes me and brings me clarity.  And to be honest - it stays put.  Pretty black letters make up my thoughts on a page and no one comes along and undoes my effort.  In my mommy world the small act of permanency is few and far between.  I make food - it gets eaten and is gone.  I clean - it gets dirty again.  I wash it - and there it is to be washed again the next day.  Blogging makes me feel like I accomplished something that will last.  Something tangible in an otherwise intangible life.  It's how I get my "me time."  It's something that I do for myself, though I hope it benefits others, or will someday, but for now - it gives me that little piece of something that really has nothing to do with being a wife or mother, even if my words are about them - the act of touching these keys is all for me in the moment.  It's free and I can do it from home whenever I want - very important factors for any mother.

And so, that would be how I got started.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - I didn't really expect any other partygoers to be showing up for my party.  I thought that for the most part that these words of mine, though public, would remain mostly unread.  There are already tons of "mommy bloggers" out there and even more "blogs" in general.  I saw no reason for mine to standout to anyone.  And it is still campartiviely  small, but more of you showed up than I ever expected.

So, when I started, I wrote about us, and that is what I've continued to write about.  Sometimes it is about what we are doing, or something about the kids, and other times it is just my thoughts.  I measure my words differently now that all of you are here, which is a good thing, really.  But I pick my subjects carefully.  I don't write about politics, current events, religion, breast vs bottle feeding, stay at home moms vs working moms, abortion, homeschool vs public school or anything else that might be construed as controversial.  And here's why:  I believe that we have each lived this very unique and exact life that no one else has shared, and that those events have made up our very personal and deep ideas about right and wrong.  I may not agree with your belief on something simply because I haven't had your experiences and vice-versa.  Rather than argue those points, that we will never agree on, I don't even go there.  I'm not interested in educating or changing anyone's mind.  I don't want the drama, and though I love to debate - I don't have the time for it.  There are plenty of other places to go for that, but here, it is my little world and I like to keep it......simple.  I don't want to judge you just as I don't want to be judged.

I've had this unspoken policy of removing any comments that I find rude or inappropriate.  I also don't answer emails of the same nature.  This is not always easy to do because I believe in free speech and being open and honest, but there are lines to those things.  Hateful comments have been left and prying emails have been received.  By my very nature I want to defend and set the record straight, but I restrain myself to avoid adding fuel to the fire.  I made the mistake, which I won't be doing again, of allowing and answering one of those comments on my last post, which was a very innocent post, and it went from the subject of overpopulation to foodstamp usage.

I share our life here in a very public way, but so much of our life is private.  There are things that are just simply no ones business.  Our financial situation is one of them.  Yes, it is easy to see that we don't have much money and even fairly directly stated at times, but that doesn't mean our full financial report is open for all to read.  My husband has a job that he works very hard at, and "self employed on ebay" is not some clever coverup for living off the system.  My husband works long, long hours.  In fact, much of the time I feel like a single mom because he works so many hours.  I admire his ability to remain self-motivated and continue to push himself to work harder, longer, more in what at times appears to be a very vain attempt to get ahead.  I marvel at his drive to spend so many hours diligently and redundantly repeating the same tasks over and over to earn an income for his family.  Was it always like this?  No.  There was a time that he made twice the money that he does now in fewer hours, but today that story is true for a lot of people and we are both very thankful that he even has an income.  And if you're tempted to wonder why he doesn't go get a "real job" we're both very certain that he makes more money doing what he does now than if he did go get a "job."  

Foodstamps.  The burning question.  It is asked by some and just wondered by so many more.  Just yesterday I was in town and there was a man with a fresh ear of corn.  I asked if he was selling corn and he replied that he would be in a week when it was ready to be picked.  Excited, I asked when and where he would be selling it, and after he answered I told him that I would be by, that I had ten kids who all loved corn, so we would want lots of it.  He swiped his brow at the "ten kids" part and then told me that he takes foodstamps.  When I stood there talking to him with only four kids huddled around me he said nothing, but TEN KIDS!! and he had to mention the foodstamps.  And you know what - I didn't confirm or deny our foodstamp usage because it's none of his business!!!  

And it is none of yours either.  It is rude to ask, imply or try to "get a feel" for an answer about a persons foodstamp usage.  People seem to be under the impressive that large families SHOULD answer this question.  They seem to think that since feeding that many kids is expensive that they have a right to wonder and even ask about it.  Personally, my thoughts are I don't see what difference it makes.  It doesn't matter to me if you have two kids, ten kids or even no kids and use foodstamps.  I don't even care if you use drugs or have a job or not....why?.....because there are SO MANY bigger financial problems in this country than FOODSTAMPS!!  Foodstamp recipients are an easy target, and while abuse is part of the problem, in my opinion, if I were to try and tackle our financial crisis.....foodstamps would be WAY down on the bottom of my list.  Honestly, there is so much turmoil in the world and our country today that foodstamp usage isn't even on my radar.

Some of you are wondering if I really believe what I just wrote or if it is just a smokescreen to avoid admitting the truth.  Yes, I do really believe every.single.word I just wrote, and.....wait for it.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................no, we are not on foodstamps.  Not that I should have ever had to think about making that a public statement.  And yes, it is expensive as hell to feed ten kids.  It is by far our greatest bill each and every month.

And I just broke one of my own rules even talking about foodstamps......twice in two days.....what next??...lol!!  

We've had so much support, that honestly, I've never said any of this before because I didn't think that I needed to.  Maybe, tonight, I wanted to.  I don't know.  I guess I just wanted to clarify:  negative/rude comments will be deleted.  If you don't agree with me/us/our life this isn't an open forum for debate....it is my little place in the www and no crapping on my floor is allowed.  Coming here and leaving negative comments when you know you don't agree with our lifestyle makes about as much sense to me as prancing into a church service and trying to convince the congregation to become atheists - now, that would be pretty stupid, whouldn't it?

Well, I think that about covers it, if not it's too late for me to go on. In just a few hours my bed will be scattered with little boys who one by one made their sleepy way to mommy's bed looking for a warm spot to snuggle and I will rise before I am ready just because there is no room left for me to get  comfortable......it's a beautiful problem to have:)